apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize