No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
