If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
