you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
