I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
