tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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