how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Still dying that you shit outside
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
