The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
