At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesnโt give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Well now Iโm in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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