Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
