I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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