am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
