Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
