if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
