Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
