I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
