highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
