just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
