dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
