So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
