Will you blow on my dice?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
