it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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