the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
