I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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