as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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