peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
