I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
