So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
