i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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