I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
only if we run a train.
done.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
