they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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