Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
