I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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