I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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