So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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