You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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