I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
