you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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