My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sext me about skeletons
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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