There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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