Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize