The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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