his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
