I wanna bring you to show and tell
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sarcasm needs its own font
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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