After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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