i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i dont even know how to be here
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
