textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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