you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
