Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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