the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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