If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
