Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
