your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
