The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
