69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
