you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
