Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
