yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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