I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
