I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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