Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
