well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
