can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
pray to the hookup gods
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
