uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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