never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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