I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
