Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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