here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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