so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
