his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
