Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
