yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize